Rule #1. Or Actually #56,748

I like my men tall, and I like them lean. On the verge of skinny. 

I have very strange taste in guys, I'm aware. And that's only the beginning.

However, the tall part is not so much strange.

It is, however, kind of the reason I think I'll die alone...because it seems to be a requirement that all Mormon guys not grow an inch taller than like 4 feet. 

Ok, exaggeration. 

By the way, did you know that "exaggeration" is a really hard word to spell? I didn't - until just now. Two g's?? Seriously??

And there's no hope for the future generations of Mormon guys, because they'll eventually find a Mormon girl who isn't all that tall either, and who doesn't care that she'll never get to wear heals ever again cause all she wants is to get married and have babies and obsess over these "eat only organic food or die" and "don't trust any medical professionals, trust only what you read on the internet" trend. Don't even get me started on that. I think I'll leave that post to Mary, our M.S., R.D., C.D. over here. Anyway, doesn't matter if this girl and her midget boyfriend are a terrible match, because he's got the sperm. Sperm that will only create more midgets. 

And so the cycle continues. I almost hope I don't have girls (assuming I find someone with whom to procreate), so I don't have to sit them down and be like,

"Look, you're going to be taller than every LDS man you meet. Even though you're only 5'5" (my for realsies height, fyi...and yet somehow I still have issues with finding guys taller than me). So unless you're ok with picking him up for your kisses, you're going to die alone." 

On the other had, all I have to say to my sons: 

"Serve a mission, and you're golden. Even if you're an absolute scumbag. And even though you're short. Many LDS girls are really not so selective in finding their mate, and all you have to do is complete a mission, even if you're actually counter-productive out there. Come back, pretend to be a worthy priesthood holder, and quote a scripture here and there....and those chicks will just fall right into your lap, homeboy." 

That's how it seems sometimes. Often times. Most times. 

Disclaimer, I think pretty much most of my LDS lady friends haven't made that mistake. But that's because I don't stay friends with stupid people. I'm just speaking generally of what I'm pretty sure at the very least all of my fellow non-stupid BYU friends have observed.

Another disclaimer: Marrying a short guy doesn't necessarily mean desperation. I suppose it could be love. I'm just generalizing a lot here in the post. Actually always. I hope that's obvious.

Yet Another Disclaimer: These seemingly non-existent Mormon fellas who, in fact, ARE taller than me actually do indeed exist! But they're already hitched. Or they are already aware that they are one of the last few living members of an endangered species, and they act like it. As in, they are so arrogant that their physical attraction cancels out with their snottiness and we are back to square one.

Anyway, short guys breed and make more short guy babies that turn into short guy men. Vicious circle.

I'm not even asking that the guy be a giant. Just taller than me, enough so I can wear my heels and feel pretty. Because I always feel prettiest when wearing my heels. 

I'm also not asking for bulging biceps. In fact, that's a deal breaker. If you're one of those guys who is always trying gain muscle mass...forget it. It's ugly, first of all. And second, it's just going to turn into fat a few years down the road when you stop working out anyway. So just stay fit, keep your heart healthy with regular exercise, but don't be a muscle man. 

And don't be my height or shorter than me. 

Is that just so much to ask???